This weekend I had a 2.5 hour job training because I work at Guest Services on BYU's campus. This is a very important aspect of my life right now. My main responsibilities are enforcing the honor code at campus events and making sure the patrons are safe. I am an honor code police. Isn’t that cool? I know you think that I’m so cool right now. You’re sitting there going “dang, if only I was as cool as that Caitlin girl.” To you I say: It’s okay. I used to wish I would one day be as cool as I am today. We spent a good portion of the training reviewing exactly what the First Presidency has classified as modest. My boss had a powerpoint of various girls and boys. We had to tell her if they were modest or not. When they were not modest she asked us how we would fix the problem. Her answer for almost every picture was to safety pin a napkin over the exposed area. For example, if the shirt was too low we safety pin the napkin across the chest. If the skirt is too short we safety pin napkins across the hem to extend the skirt down to the knees. When I tell people what my job is they make supportive comments that go along the lines of "well at least it is a job." However, their comments contradict the looks on their faces. I had a few respond to my ground breaking news with faces kind of like those you see at cancer patient's bedside, To you I say: This is more then just a job. It is the best job in the world.
Why it is tight to be an official Honor Code Nazi
1. I get more sleep.
I no longer have to stay up all night wondering how I can better mankind. I literally toss and turn in my bed brain storming ideas of how I can tell girls that leggings worn with a dress that is above the knees is NOT modest. Now I can dutifully tell all girls that leggings fall under the category of revealing and form-fitting in the honor code. I will be saving the girls at BYU one pair of leggings at a time. I get to tell the men that their beard does in fact jeopardize their chances of making it into the Celestial Kingdom. I am sure they will thank me incessantly when I point this out to them. Thus, I get to sleep soundly at night knowing that I have saved a soul that day.
2. I will meet potential lovers.
I get into every school dance and other functions for free. While I am doing crowd control I will see a strapping young lad. I get to kick the flouzy he is dancing with out of the dance for either immodesty or suggestive dancing. I then will slip into her dancing position. The self-respectable man will find my dedication to the For Strength of Youth pamphlet both admirable and refreshing. The courage I have to enforce the rules is a quality he has been looking for in his FEC. I am the first girl he has found who has this characteristic We will dance into the moonlight (but end well before midnight).
3. I look popular.
I will no longer have to invite myself to activities on Friday and Saturday nights because I will be working. I do not even have to tell others I am working. I will just coyly say "Oh, I have more important things to do." What makes someone look cooler then having mysterious plans every weekend? Nothing!
4. I have a higher self-esteem
I will feel better about myself because instead of hanging out by myself at nights, which is quite typical, I will be working. I will think to myself, "If I were not working I would be on a hot date or with a huge group of friends."
5. I get to fatten my resume.
What better way to secure a job than to tell my potential employer that I am an expert with a light saber? My job as an upholder of the honor code and everything else that is true and righteous requires me to use a light saber. I shine the light saber on those that are dancing provocatively, mosh pitting, or not wearing shoes. Yes, light sabering is considered to be a special skill. Have you ever used one? No! That places me a step above everyone else. No big deal. In my esteemed job interviews (which I assure you I will have) when they ask what I will bring to the company that other applicants do not have (as you know, they always ask this) they employer and other applicant will be silently mocking me. "Oh, Caitlin" they laugh in their head "she has nothing to contribute to this business. This job is way too distinguished for her" and that's when I, sipping my champagne flute of Sprite say "My dear friends, I used a light saber on a regular basis at my old job." That'll shut them up. Oh, how snotty my imaginary potential co-workers and employers can be!
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