Victim of a Tiger Mother
Lately, I have had a growing hatred of common, supposedly inspirational aphorisms. For example, I am really annoyed by the aphorism, “Shoot for the moon, and you’ll land among the stars.” This, in reality, doesn’t happen very often; which is why when it does happen, they make a movie about it or write cheesy inspirational stories about chasing your dreams. I have had to learn to accept the fact that I will simply have an average life and do average things. If I shoot for the moon, I will only fall back on my butt, cursing that guy who first coined this phrase. Another aphorism I am now coming to dislike is the saying “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink.” Sadly, this statement is false, and it has managed to cause me much grief.
My mom recently bought a book about why Asian parents are superior to Western parents. It is titled, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, by Amy Chua. I noticed my mom reading this book when we were supposed to be having family scripture study. I have also noticed my mom quoting from this book and forcing me to listen to passages from it as she nods her head understandingly to the things she reads. She appeared to be treating this book as the new and improved Bible. Out of curiosity, I picked up the book. At first, I believed that it was all a clever exaggeration-- a sort of tongue-in-cheek satirical book about the Asian parenting style. However, as I began looking through the book, I noticed some disturbing similarities between myself and the daughters in the book. The daughters in the book are not allowed to attend a sleepover, get any grade less than an A, not play the piano and violin, and not be the #1 student in every subject except gym and drama. Even the daughter that became rebellious ended up playing tennis instead.
Last year, I made a new friend. The topic of sleepovers came up and I found that her parents didn’t allow her to go to them. I was sympathetic, and told her how that must suck and how it was silly for her parents to do that. However, she was allowed to have sleepovers, and I was soon invited to one. I came home from school, I asked if I could go to my new friend’s sleepover. My mom said no. When I asked her why, she said, “I don’t know her family.” At this point, I was still completely optimistic about my chances of going to this sleepover. Unfortunately, my mother seemed to still be against me going to the sleepover for some unknown reason. At the time, I assumed she was just being overprotective of me having a friend I hadn’t know since I was a baby, as many of my other friends are. However, similar events to this happened the next two times I wanted to go to a sleepover. I have now realized that I am not dealing with the average overprotective parent. I am dealing with a genuine tiger mother.
The next thing a tiger child is not allowed to do is get any grade less than an A. When I missed two days of school for orchestra retreat, my mom was in a frenzy. She called Mr. Nuxoll and asked for my make-up math assignments. Immediately upon returning from retreat, she set me to work on it. The first part of the assignment was to take notes on the 10 basic functions. Desperately, I said, “Mom, I can just read the textbook and do the assignment myself…” This plea was futile. She sat herself down next to me and proceeded to make me take painstakingly graph the functions on my paper, using a ruler to measure every tick mark on the graph and chart individual points on each function. I complained, saying, “Mom, none of my friends have to do this, and they’re just fine! This is pointless!” To this, she replied, “Lauren, I spent two hours already studying up on this so I could help, you ungrateful child! You will know these ten basic functions better than anyone else!” Four hours later, two tears rolled slowly down my cheeks from overexposure to the hated 10 functions. No caressing voice of my mother soothed me and offered to let me be done. She continued her battle hymn and fought to give me the education she believed I would need, one basic function at a time. My friends also did their make-up assignment. They are good students. But it only took them an hour. With the aid of my mother, I have never gotten a grade less than an A.
The characters in the book also play the piano and violin. I found this section of the book enlightening, because I play the piano and violin. I am also frequently required to practice. Just today, I wanted to go to a church meeting with one of my buddies. You would think that I would be allowed to do this, considering the fact that it is a wholesome activity. I was denied this privilege in order to practice my violin and piano. Sadly, this is not an unusual event. It happens to me several times a week. I am convinced that this is the product of my tiger mother.
A tiger child, according to my mom’s Bible, must be the #1 student in every class except P.E. and drama. Coincidentally or not, I am not good at P.E. I am also not good at drama. This is no surprise. Also, last year, I won the top grade in my class award from Mrs. Akkerman every quarter. Is this because of my tiger mother faithfully checking the parent portal every week? Maybe, maybe not. The point is debatable. However, I only got the second best score on the science test, and my mom bullied my dad into teaching me science. On a road trip to Utah, I thought I would take a little nappy-poo, and so I put my headphones in to listen to music. Suddenly, my dad said, “Lauren, look in the red bag for the science book, and I expect you to read the first section and summarize it to me in your own words.” I did not want to. I said, “I’m too tired, I really don’t want to do extra schoolwork right now.” My dad and I fought bitterly about it for the next twenty minutes. I was stubborn, fighting not only for my sanity during the road trip but for my freedom from the dictatorship of my parents. However, my resilience was fruitless as soon as the words “start doing the science or I will pull off the freeway at the next exit and spank you” were uttered out of my very own father’s mouth. I realized just how serious the situation was and pulled out the science book, much to my indignation.
Through these experiences, I have come to realize that I am the victim of a tiger mother. However, I have had my streak of rebellion: I play tennis, just as the girl in the book played tennis in her rebellious stage. To be fair, there are some advantages to having a tiger mother. For example, I was able to write a satirical and slightly hyperbolic narrative about the more pathetic moments in my life. I also may or may not be more confident with my skills such as math and violin. A Westerner may call this talent, but only a few can recognize this as the brutal product of sweat and tears. Because of these advantages, I am unable to be too bitter towards my mother’s Asian culture. Consequently, I have discovered my hatred for corny aphorisms. You can lead a horse to water, and YES, you can make it drink. All that is necessary is a tiger mother to resiliently force that stubborn and indignant horse to swallow, one sip at a time.
~ Simba the tiger baby (a.k.a. Lauren)
I love this!!! I was dying laughing/crying the whole time! My roommate asked if I was ok!! I loved how I was quoted!
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